Vent

5 min read

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FireballStardraco's avatar
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Hey there, sorry for the slowness of my replies and arts, just been busy with things and dealing with real life things.

I am aware that I have taken too long to respond to people here and even to put something up, and I know you all have been very patient with me, which I am thankful for.

Things in the real world has been ok and I have been attending to my artworks and stories, trying to keep myself occupied and keep pushing forward with things.

However lately my emotions have been up and  down and I do feel I may need to get off what is causing this, so bewarn vent coming along.

Now lately I have been feeling pretty uneasy in myself, even how my future is and so on, infact while I was in my place of thinking I did actually had this really bad thought in my head and it actually scares me, and worst is I know this is going to happen.

I fear that in the future that I will end up being alone and by myself, and what I mean by that is ok I know I will be by myself, in a place of my own, yes, but what if the worst comes to worst? What If something should happen to my mum for example? Or something? I know for a fact that I would end up being by myself, without anyone to visit or talk to, sure I would keep living doing what I do, but the thought of being alone is the scary part, something that makes me feel depressed and thinking "well that future sounds like it sucks".

I know people will say it won't happen and so on, but looking at my situation, my real life situation I know that is going to happen eventually and I know it is unavoidable.

Then there is the trouble of not knowing who to trust any more, I know people know how this feels and are thinking "you and me both brother", I mean you think you know people and suddenly they just backstab you and it is like "well that sucks".

Worst of this voice in my mind never shuts up, telling me how worthless I am, that I deserve to be alone, that I have no one to live for, who cares and all that stuff, and yes it does get me down alot, it even makes me feel less of a person that I am.

I then look at the times I have lost friends, lost those close to me and I wonder why this happens to me? Why do I keep having this happen time and time again? I believe and then it gets crushed, then I start to think if I am the problem, I even wonder if I am friend material or worthy.

And there is my vent really, sorry to start the New Year with a negative vent, I am working on it, just I needed to get this off before I end up blowing a fuse.

© 2018 - 2024 FireballStardraco
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NightDragon07's avatar
Oh no, you are really fill with dark ideas, how can you be so depressed? :(
I know it's not funny what you live, and it's really hard when you think your mother can pass away. (But I imagine that when I speak to you your mother is still here, and I hope she will be there for a long time, of course.) Even if the worst happened, do not you have someone from the family to return to? A sister? A brother? Maybe they can help you. ^^ And I know that it's not easy to trust people, to know who you can count on or not, but where you live, did you have the chance to meet nice people? Otherwise my friend, I'm here if you need to talk.